Do you remember how you could make a new best friend by trading snacks at playtime? It would be nice if things were still that easy! As we age, those simple relationships become very valuable.
Friendships formed effortlessly in our earlier years. We almost always sat next to someone in class, shared a student room, or just hung out between events when we were in school and college.
Then, coming of age hits like a ton of bricks. All of a sudden, you have a job that takes up your workday, family duties on the weekends, and friends living in different zip codes. Three weeks later, that last-minute text message asking, “Want to hang out?” turns into a carefully planned event on the calendar.
You might ask yourself if it is all worth it. Trust me, it is for sure.
If something bad happens in your life, which it may, friends will be there for you in a different way than family, who may be too involved in the situation to help you.
When did you last feel like you were truly yourself? Friends know you for more than just your job or family role. In the best way possible, they will tell you when you are not being real and love the weird little things about you that make you, well, you. They show the real you, not just the business version of yourself that you show at work.
Friendships between adults are different. There is something about them that sets them apart from childhood ties.
What is the biggest difference? Pick. It does not mean you are friends just because you sit next to each other in the house. You chose each other on purpose, usually because you share beliefs and feel a real bond with each other.
There are rules that come with being friends as an adult. Knowing that your friend has other things to do and responsibilities to keep is fine. This balance makes relationships last longer because it lowers the risk of getting tired or angry.
It can be hard to keep friendships alive as an adult, even if you mean well. It is like trying to keep plants living when you have bad gardening skills. Here are some reasons why:
Remember when everyone in your group of friends lived within biking distance? Now your college best friend lives three states away and your co-worker moved for a raise. To “catch up,” you have to compare flights and ask for time off.
There is something we all feel but do not often say: making new friends as an adult is a lot like dating in a weird way. “Do they like me? Should I text first? “Was that joke too strange?” Anxiety.
Your single friend does not understand how hard it is to be a parent. Your friend with three kids does not get how hard it is for you to date. These various stages of life can make it hard to understand each other and require a lot of work to fix.
Do not worry, things will not end badly! Getting and keeping friends as an adult is possible with these useful tips:
Instead of saying “We should get together sometime!” over and over, plan regular hangouts like a book club once a month, walking dates once a week, or video calls with friends who live far away every three months.
Putting something on the calendar takes away the stress of planning and makes time for friends a normal part of your life.
Texts that say “thinking of you” or memes that make you think of a friend? They are important. Harvard’s Social Connection Lab research shows that these small exchanges keep relationships strong between bigger talks.
As kids, we did not mind telling people, “I like you, want to play?” This made it easy to make friends. Take some of that energy and use it. If you meet someone interesting, try telling them, “I really liked talking with you and would love to grab coffee sometime.” It may feel weak, but that is where the good stuff happens.
Most of the time, being the first to reach out or say that you respect the connection makes it safe for the other person to do the same.
If you already jog, join a running group. If you are interested, take that cooking class. Give once a month to a cause you care about. This is the best way to make the most of your friendships—you are already taking the time, so why not add possible friends to the mix?
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Adult bonds are not usually like “Friends” or “Sex and the City.” Your friends will not be free for last-minute lunches every Sunday or emergency get-togethers at the drop of a hat. That is fine!
A friendship that lasts even if you do not text for a month, but picks up right where you left off, is still very important.
It is true that getting and keeping friends as an adult is harder than it was when we were kids. bonds are worth every weird text, juggled schedule, and long-distance call, though. Just ask someone who has strong bonds. People in our lives shape us, help us, and add colour to our lives in ways that nothing else can. So today might be the day you finally send that “I have been thinking about you” message. It will be good for you in the long run.
Author Fatema is professional content writer, she is always exciting to express thoughts & insights into wonderful words on various topics.
